There is one thing that keeps coming up in my life lately – forgiveness. This is not the word I picked for this year – that was Honesty, but you know what, right now part of Honesty for me IS forgiveness.
And it’s not just forgiving the people who jack me over, or who consistently let me down. I do need to find forgiveness for them, but more than that, it’s forgiveness for me.
I’m square with my debt, and not just because I paid it off (Yay!), but because I don’t truly think it was a mistake. It was scary, and it totally changed everything, but trust me, it was for the best.
Today as I think about all the things I can’t forgive myself for – these 2 are the biggest.
I don’t blog enough. I don’t put myself out there enough. I’m too busy working on other people’s stuff, so I put mine to the back burner. But really, that’s just an excuse, because I am scared to put myself out there. There I said it.
Yep – it’s true. I’m scared to work on my stuff, so I find an excuse for why I just can’t.
So, I publicly forgive myself for blowing off my business on a regular basis. And I commit to kicking it up a notch.
The other monkey on my back is my weight. I’m not exactly at an ideal weight for my height, and I’m quite a bit larger than I was when I was younger. I totally get that I will probably never be that small again (I was freaking TINY when I got married), and to be honest there are parts of me that I like better now (I have boobs, for instance) – but I’m not happy in general with my body.
There are several contributing factors to the current state of affairs – three of which are my darling children (3 kids in 4 years will wreak some serious havoc on your stomach) – but my youngest is almost 7. They can not be an excuse any longer. Another factor is my love of Coca-Cola. All that extra sugar is currently sitting on my rear end + my thighs + my tummy.
But today, November 12th, I declare a new day. I forgive myself for eating too much and drinking too much coke, and not exercising enough. I loudly proclaim that I am content right where I am. I forgive myself for not taking time to work out because I had “too much to do” (see image above).
I fully commit to going to bed at a decent hour so I can get up early and move my body. Whether I lose weight or not is not the point, it’s all about just taking care of myself.
So, really, maybe it’s not all about forgiveness. Maybe it’s about no excuses.
But my gut says that forgiveness sure doesn’t hurt. (You know, like Don Henley says – you keep carrying that anger, it’ll eat you up inside…)